Dining Solo

Anyone who knows me knows that one of my favorite things to do is to go out to eat. After a week of working in a kitchen and eating most of my meals standing up (cooks eat family meal while standing around the kitchen) there’s nothing more relaxing than sitting down to a nice meal that someone else has prepared for you. This is different from eating a relaxing home cooked meal, mainly because you have choices. If I don’t feel like eating chicken I can order lamb. Feeling like sweetbreads? Pork Belly? A $25 dollar glass of Barolo? Right away. In a city like New York there is a restaurant for every taste or whim.

Most of the time I don’t have a problem finding someone to go eat with me. I know enough restaurants that I can pick a place that will cater to the tastes and price point of the friend or friends I’m thinking of going with. However, every once in a while I have a craving for a sit down restaurant meal and haven’t had the time to find someone to eat with.

I really like the idea of dining alone. I see people eating alone all the time and they usually look like they’re enjoying themselves. It seems to me that eating alone in a crowded restaurant by oneself would be a sign of security—I’m alone and I don’t care what everyone else thinks of me. However, I’m also aware of the stigma attached to solo diners. I remember a passage in Bill Buford’s heat describing the sous chef referring to a solo diner as the loser at the bar. No one wants to look like they don’t have any friends…

On the other hand, at any restaurant that prides itself on excellent service, the solo diner is a prized customer. When you make the choice to eat at a restaurant alone it shows the kitchen that you either enjoy the food enough to not mind eating alone (assuming you’ve been there before) or that you expect great things from the kitchen. At the French Laundry, arguably the best restaurant in the country (and inarguably top 5) every solo diner is a VIP.

My hang up with dining out alone is taking the first step. I’m not secure enough to walk into a crowded restaurant by myself, sit down and know that I’ll feel comfortable enough to sit there for the next hour or so all by myself. What do I do while I’m waiting to order? How do I wait in between courses? What if the food takes too long and I’m sitting, and playing with my fingers or looking at my cell phone (trying to look like I have something better to do) and everyone is staring at me? I once spent an entire evening after work walking, talking myself into eating alone, then passing by full restaurants and talking myself out of it. An hour and a half later I had walked all the way home and ended up eating a take out cheeseburger from the diner down the block—not satisfying at all…

In my experience, once I’ve been able to get past my own insecurities, I had some really fun meals dining solo. One Saturday night I ended up at Terroir sitting by myself at 10 pm on a Saturday night. I found it liberating that I was able to order anything I wanted to eat or drink (and not have to worry about other people’s preferences or feelings.) I’ve also had great meals eating alone at Union Square Café, Morandi, and the Modern.

Each time however, I have followed a couple of simple rules that I think helped contribute to my enjoyment. Here they are in bullet point form.

--Sit at the bar. This is mostly if you don’t feel comfortable sitting at a table by yourself (what do you need all the space for anyway?) It’s also easier to strike up a conversation with a bartender (who can’t escape) than a waiter or waitress who has to pay attention to other tables. I also find that people eating at the bar are also likely to take an interest in you and start talking to you.

--Bring a crutch. As I mentioned earlier, one of my greatest concerns about eating alone is what to do with all that awkward time alone when you’re not eating. Having a book/magazine/newspaper as a time filling crutch helps me eschew this fear.

--Go hungry and go excited. This has never been a problem for me mostly because I’m always excite to eat, and if I find myself thinking about eating out alone it most definitely means that I’m really hungry. I’ve found that taking an interest in the food and/or the wine helps the restaurant take an interest in you. If they know you’re all about business they will (should) do their best to make you happy. Every time I’ve eaten solo I’ve been comped something and sometimes several things. Even if the free food or wine wasn’t necessary, it still felt good to know that someone cared about my happiness level.


Eating at nice restaurants alone isn’t for everyone, but if you’re into food and don’t mind your own company it’s certainly worth a try.